Criticism

Not everyone is going to like what you do, this is a realization that I am finally having. Since starting this blog I hadn’t written anything for four years. Partly due to being busy with work, family etc but mostly due to the fact I was scared. The fear has been stifling my creativity.  I am not very good at taking criticism, depending on my mood at the time I fluctuate between defensive and devastated.

If you grew up being criticized or bullied then these feelings can become engrained, the nagging sense that no matter how hard you try you won’t be good enough.

I still struggle with it now. I go into panic mode and worry about getting everything right so much so that it is detrimental. I will spend too long trying to perfect something and get told off for taking too long. I make a rash decision and it ends up being wrong because I didn't want to take too long, when in fact I should have thought it through. Even what would appear to be simple tasks can feel like trying to climb Everest.  I recognise it is ridiculous, I am often having that rational internal dialogue whilst fighting with myself trying not to fail.

Being a people pleaser is my default setting, I don’t like conflict and want to get on with everyone all the time. This is not realistic I know. I am trying to be braver and take criticism constructively and to stand up for myself and not just conform to keep the peace. I hope one day I will be able to function without second guessing every decision I make, I’m working on it, I guess you just have to keep trying and eventually you will overcome the hurdle.